Boys of Few Words
Raising Our Sons to Communicate and Connect
I read Boys of Few Words
by Adam J. Cox, PhD. with a keen sense of interest. I was eager to know if such a book would have valid advice for parents of very young boys; parents interested in fostering the ability to communicate in their small sons. I was not disappointed by Cox's book, which proved to be very informative and very practical.
The book opens with a discussion of what a "boy of few words" is and how easy it is to miss it if a boy is a "boy of few words."
It is easy to bring to mind a picture of the "strong and silent" man, of teenage boys who withdraw into themselves and of small boys who cannot adequately express themselves - or stop moving long enough to say anything about how they feel. These are "boys of few words."
Cox reviews that in our present society it is vital for boys to be able to express themselves. The "strong and silent" man is out of place in our current and future generations based on communication and information exchanges. However, it is still common in our society to accept boys who cannot express themselves or who do not know how to communicate well.
Boys of Few Words (BoFW) outlines physical and developmental reasons why boys have a more difficult time mastering expression and communication. The book also details emotional and societal reasons why boys may choose not to use words to express themselves. Cox touches on how vulnerable boys can feel when they try to express themselves and how this can be a motivating factor in their silence.
Cox gives several suggestions early in the book that I thought were valuable for parents to begin even early in the lives of their sons. He recommends that parents talk with their boys while doing some activity together rather than sitting down for a "heart to heart" conversation. He also suggests restating what a boy has said so that the child knows the parent is listening. This tip is especially valuable with small boys who are just grasping language and how to use it to communicate.
Teaching a wide vocabulary is emphasized again and again throughout BoFW. Using a variety of words to teach emotional literacy is a primary suggestion. Instead of getting frustrated when our small sons cry, Cox requests that we empower them with words. For exampe: "Sometimes it's hard to feel patient when you're waiting for Mom to help you, isn't it?"
BoFW encourages parents to begin teaching emotions along with animals, shapes, and colors - right from the beginning.
The book is truly balanced for parents of boys of all ages. Many of the suggestions are for parents of older boys in the preadolescent and teenage years. However there are also many examples for elementary age boys. Cox also weaves suggestions for building emotionally literate young boys throughout the text. Taking his suggestions - such as asking preschool boys specific questions about how their day went - could give parents an excellent chance to raise a boy confident in expressing himself.
Cox devotes chapters to specific challenges that parents may face, including shy and withdrawn boys, angry boys, and boys with attention deficit and other learning/behavioral disorders. Each chapter is filled with solid explanations and valuable advice for enabling these boys to be emotionally competent and confident - from preschool to adulthood.
Chapter 8, titled "Ten Commitments to Boys' Communication" should be required reading for all parents of brand new baby boys. The commitments, when incorporated into family life can empower a family and the boys living in it. They will enhance not only the communication of parents and sons, but also the bond of the entire family.
Cox does place a strong emphasis on traditional schooling models and brushes homeschooling off with a mere paragraph giving a brief explanation of the socialization deficits homeschooling gives to boys. He fails to acknowledge the well-adjusted and well-socialized homeschooled boys taking positions that require sophisticated communication and emotional mastery in today's society. He also fails to notice the socialization situations homeschooled boys are given as they travel with their parents and homeschool groups and as they take on unique apprenticeship, internship and accelerated learning opportunities.
BoFW also includes a helpful chapter that will prove useful to parents wondering if they should have their sons evaluated by a professional. The chapter clearly explains the options parents have and how to make the best choice for the individual child.
Cox has created an immensely helpful volume for anyone parenting boys. Parents with infant and preschool sons will benefit from his solid suggests for building language and emotional intelligence in young boys. Boys of Few Words will remain on parents' shelves from their son's first words through his college graduation.