Natural Birth and Baby Care.com

You Want a Home Birth...But Your Partner Isn't Sure

What do you do when you want a home birth but your husband, partner, or family want you to have your baby in the hospital? When you know in your heart that a homebirth is right for you and your baby, it can be very hard to hear somebody, even your partner, tell you they don't want you to birth at home.

Home birth statistics are a clear, upfront way to show your husband or partner that homebirth is safe. The statistics are very much in your favor, even proving homebirth the be safer than hospital birth in some studies.

You may want to take your partner with you to visit your midwife. Your midwife is a professional and understands your partner's anxiety. She can help to reassure him. She can also give him all the statistics from her practice and may know of statistics and studies that you didn't. A meeting with the midwife may be enough to show your husband how wonderful a home birth can be for the two of you.

You can ask, and your husband can ask, what complications may arise and how the midwife will deal with each one. She will be glad to explain complications and situations that make a transfer prudent or even life-saving.

You can also ask your midwife for references. You can call and talk to her previous clients, and ask if your partner can speak with their partner. This may help your partner some. He may be especially open to talking with another partner about the home birth experience.

Selecting a midwife who has a backup obstetrician that she works well with may ease your partner's mind. This way he will know that if a transfer becomes necessary, the midwife will not have to fight to get you into the hospital. Alternately, you can go ahead and select your backup ob and let your partner know.

Do be sure to tell your partner the benefits to him, to you, and to your child that a homebirth brings. Stress that he will not be forced to be separated from his child, and that nobody is going to force any procedures on you or your baby while he stands and watches helplessly. At a home birth he will be allowed to be your protector.

Your husband will be able to support you in ways that might be impossible in a hospital. He can help you walk around outside during labor, or support you as you move around the house. He can get into a birthing tub with you. He can help you eat and drink if you want something. Your partner will be able to support you as you birth the baby. In fact, your midwife may help your partner to catch the baby.

If your husband feels uncomfortable with you birthing at home because he feels he will have to be your complete and only support, talk to him about this. Reassure him that your midwife will be able to support you. If your midwife has assistants or apprentices, or practices with another midwife, then they will be able to give you support too. You may also want to consider a doula for labor support. Some partners just want to be free to "guard the cave."

Tell your partner all the wonderful benefits a home birth has for the baby's first few hours. The baby will not be separated from you and the three of you will be able to truly bond as a new family. Your partner will not have to drive anywhere and will be able to wear whatever is comfortable. He will be able to eat and drink food from his own kitchen. Your partner will have control over who comes into the house and can prevent unwanted disruptions.

Your friends and family may be skeptical as well. Sometimes presenting statistics works. Sometimes it doesn't. You can be assured that you are making an educated choice for your baby's birth. Sometimes you may simply have to ask friends and family not to continue to badger you about your choices. Some women have found that keeping their birth plans a secret is the easiest route to take. This may be an option for you. Be firm in your choice. There is no need to be defensive, but do let other people know that it is your decision and you have done your research.