Kids at Birth - What's Best?

You may want to have your older kids at the birth of your new baby - but you're just not sure if it would be a good thing. It's a big choice and one that deserves a lot of thought.

You'll need to think about your older children and what they might want. Think about if they scare easily or if they're very clingy. You may not want to have them there if that's the case.

But your child may be very excited at the upcoming birth and you may have talked with him or her about kids being at birth - and how special that is. It's up to you make the choice you feel is right.

Here are some basic considerations to get you started:

Does your birth place allow children?
Do you want your children there?
Do you think your children will want to be there?
Are you willing to prepare your children for the birth?

Having Your Kids at the Birth

You've decided to have your children at the birth! It may be wise to have another adult there just to be caring for the children.

This adult will be completely devoted to your older child or children and not focusing on the birth. If your kid wants to be at the birth this person will be there with the child - but if your child chooses not to be there their support person will remain with the child during the baby's birth.

I have had my kids at the birth of both my second and third child. When my second child was born a good friend was there for my daughter. My child slept through most of my labor and when she awoke my friend was there to feed her breakfast. Then they went outside to play for a little while. My daughter asked to go back inside just as I started pushing and my friend held her and supported her as they together watched my first son's birth.

I had a doula at the birth of my third child. She was there with me in early labor and when my children awoke she was there to support them since I was comfortable laboring alone. When the children got distracting to me she gently took them to play in another room.

I requested that they come back in when I began pushing the baby out and my doula was right there with them. One of my fondest memories of the birth is of pulling my second son out of the birth tub onto my chest as my daughter called "Mama, it's our baby!"

Take the time to prepare your kids for the upcoming birth. Talk to them about what it may be like. With my young children I used simple explanations about how mama might move around a lot, or moan or "sound like a cow or lion." With your older child you can give a more detailed description. Let your child lead you.

You may want to make sure there are snacks and/or meal available for your older kids at the birth. Also keep track of familiar toys and favored stuffed animals in the weeks before birth. Let your children spend plenty of time visiting with the person who will be there for them.

Go over things with your child's attendant. Let them know where they can take the child outside, to a park, or to the attendant's home or another home if the child wishes to leave. Sometimes a walk outside or playing in another room for a little while is all the child needs to want to come back.

Decide ahead of time if you feel comfortable allowing your child into the water if you're having a water birth. You'll be prepared if your child asks.

If you decide not to have your child there

If you decide you do not want your older kids at the birth, or you want to leave the arrangement open, plan somewhere for your child to go.

If your child is in school plan someone who can pick your child up from school in case your labor goes through the school day. It's also a good idea for this person to be available to take your child to school if labor begins in the night. Be sure you've authorized this person with the school to pick your child up.

As with a child staying at the birth, make sure you child spends plenty of time with his or her caregiver before the birth. Give your child the opportunity to visit their home.

You may wish to pack an activity bag of special things for your child (this is a good idea at home too). Also plan for a special toy or stuffed animal to go with your child if it's important to him or her.

Plan meals for your child if needed. If you're freezing meals before the birth you may want to freeze one to send with your child and his caregiver.

Think about how long you want your child to stay with the caregiver. You may want a couple of hours after the birth to bond with your new baby and rest. Or you may want your older child to come home right away and meet the new baby.

There are many choices when preparing your older child or children for a new baby's birth. Deciding well ahead of time and making plans for your older child will give you peace of mind and help you prepare him or her best. Do involve your older child in preparing for the baby! You child may want to get a small gift for the baby. And it's often a good idea for the baby to give the older sibling a present too ;)

Natural Birth and Baby Care.com