Natural Birth and Baby Care.com

Feelings about Prenatal Testing

Having prenatal testing or procedures done brings up an amazingly complex range of emotions. It's normal for you to feel nervous or anxious about prenatal testing. Some tests, such as ultrasound scanning, make you feel excited.

You may feel overwhelmed as you sort through the pros and cons of each test. You could find yourself not wanting the responsibility that comes with choosing to have or not to have a procedure done.

Sometimes it's hard to think of what you'll do if a test shows your baby may not be developing normally. You have to face the choice, or even the expectation, to terminate your pregnancy. Or you face the worry of continuing a pregnancy with a child who is not "normal." So many emotions come up in this situation.

Researching Prenatal Tests

As you begin to research prenatal testing you may feel overwhelmed. Your care provider may be pressuring you one way or another. Your own family may do the same.

You'll find a lot of information about the pros and cons of each prenatal test. Weighing the pros and cons and making an intelligent decision about all tests is the best action.

Even after you've made your choice your emotions may still be overwhelming. If you've decided to have a test or procedure done you'll feel nervous in the days leading up to the test.

Ultrasound Anxieties

Some women feel anxious about ultrasound testing. They worry that a problem will be discovered during the scan. They fear seeing that their baby is not normal. Or they fear something may be wrong and they won't be given any details about it. They do not want to be left in the dark.

Feelings of anxiety about a baby's gender are normal. Perhaps you have a child of one gender already and are hoping for the opposite this time. Perhaps you are scared to parent a specific gender.

It is ok and normal to have these feelings. Some women worry that they will not bond with their baby if they find it is not the gender they were hoping for. These feeling are valid and can be a reason for declining a routine ultrasound. You can also request that gender remain a secret. If you do find your baby is not the gender you were hoping for and you feel upset about it find someone you can safely talk to.

I Decided Not To Test...But "What If?"

It's also normal to have second thoughts and "what if" feelings if you decide against a test or procedure. It may help to talk to your partner about this, or to write about it. You may also feel better by focusing on taking excellent care of yourself. Reassuring yourself that you made an informed choice can also be helpful.

Scared of Being Violated

Some women feel that tests such as pap smears, cervical checks, and internal examinations violate them. These feelings are ok too. It is ok to feel scared about this. Advocate for yourself if you choose to decline a test because you feel it violates your body.

If you feel like you can't stand up to your care provider about this take someone to your appointment that will help you explain. Or write a letter and request that your doctor read it before you do anything (even put on an examination gown). Ask to discuss it in his or her office or somewhere where you do not feel "on the spot."

These are complex feelings and they deserve to be honored. Talk them over with your care provider. Midwives are often especially sensitive to issues like this and can help you work through them. If they are rooted in abuse or negative experiences, working through them with someone compassionate may help.

If you decide to have an internal procedure done that gives you a feeling of violation you'll be scared. There should always be a nurse or assistant in the room with you! You can take someone you trust with you. This could be your partner, your mother, your sister, your best friend, or anybody you feel comfortable with who can hold your hand. Do not let your doctor tell you that you can't have somebody with you.

A special note for young mothers: Your doctor, your nurse, your mother, or anybody else does not have the right to tell you who can and can't be with you for an exam, no matter what your age is. If you want your partner there, you can have your partner there, even if you are not married. If you are told that you can't have someone with you that you want, refuse the procedure. If you do not want your mother there, then do not let her in the room. Refuse the procedure if she or anyone you don't want there will not leave.

I put this note here because it happens often with internal exams, but it applies to anything during your pregnancy. You have the right to decide who will be there and who won't be there! (Good for mamas of all ages to remember)

My Baby May Have Problems

If you find that your baby may have a problem you will feel fear. You may feel sick to your stomach. You will probably grieve. Your care provider may order more tests; some of these may be more dangerous and more invasive. Making more choices about testing can be heart-wrenching. Sometimes you may feel alone and isolated, even if you have a partner.

If you choose not to have higher level testing done you may continue through pregnancy in fear. You may be scared to bond with your baby. You may feel that other people (including your care provider) are condemning you because of your choices. You wonder how you will care for a baby that may have problems, or what you will do if your baby dies.

If you choose to have higher level testing done you may be scared it will hurt your baby. You may be anxious and stressed while you wait, sometimes for weeks, for test results. It is normal to feel tense and be short with others at a time like this. You may be scared as you contemplate what you will do if it turns out that your baby has an abnormality.

In both of these cases it may be helpful to research the disorders or defects your baby might have. You can contact organizations in your city that serve families with children who have these conditions. Meeting and seeing these families may help you. Seeking out support groups may help.

I Know My Baby has Problems

If your test results come back positive for a defect or disorder you'll be faced with hard choices. If you choose to terminate your pregnancy it will be heart-wrenching. If you choose to continue your pregnancy you may be filled with doubts and uncertainties. In both cases you may be afraid to share what you are going through. You feel like people are condemning you for your choices.

You may feel angry or resentful. You wonder why this happened to you and why you are forced to make such choices.

Find out all you can about your options. Ask for as much detail as you want. Find out what is likely to happen to your child if you decide to continue your pregnancy. Ask for honest answers, not scare tactics.

If you choose to terminate, do not feel that you have no right to grieve. You do. Seek out compassionate support as you mourn your child.

If you choose to continue your pregnancy and you lose your baby during pregnancy, your baby is stillborn, or if your baby dies soon after birth, do not feel that it is your fault. Know that you did what you felt was best for your baby. Feel free to grieve. Stay away from people who hint that you should have terminated your pregnancy.

Looking for More Support

No matter what your situation is seek out support when you feel ready to. Talk to your care provider about prenatal tests and about your baby. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself.

Do not be afraid to hire another care provider if yours will not listen to your thoughts and feelings. This is your body, your pregnancy, and your baby.