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Travelling long distance with a toddler and 5 month old - tips? And loss of libido

by Renee
(London)

I've traveled a bit with 1st baby, from London to Australia return & around Europe. It was easy, I used a herbal blend of Valerian, Passionflower hops and Chamomile which kept our first son calm - I've really enjoyed traveling with him.

I'm now going home for a bit of an emergency (family) and need to take a 2.7 year old and a 5 month old home. I'm concerned that 25 hours transit will be difficult with 2 children.

Our 2nd boy is a good sleeper but he is 5 months. By that time with our first we had traveled to Australia and back, and gone to France twice and Iceland. Our 5 month old firstborn was a veteran. Going now with a big trip for little one and a big trip again for an older toddler, with more energy and during the day (we've always booked a long haul over night flight) Any tips?

Also, Since having the children I've lost my libido. Its not that I don't want to have sex with my husband, I want to, I just don't have the drive. Nothing turns me on. Breasts are no go. Not because I'm squeamish because of breastfeeding, we are both natural about that...I just simply don't like the stuff I used to?

Anything natural I can take, any advice? If not, I guess I'll see my GP and go from there.

So you see I want to "want" sex, not do it out of obligation. I want to get it right, I just dont know how, or why, Ive gone so off it.

Answer:

I haven't done any long flights with children, but we make big trips every year (about 2 days in the car).

I don't think it's too hard, but advance planning is helpful.

5 month olds are still pretty easy to travel with, so I wouldn't worry much about it. I would have all the standards - plenty of fresh nappies, fresh outfits, etc. A toy or two may be helpful, though my five-month-olds were never much impressed by toys!

I would most definitely have a baby carrier that your little one likes. If your baby sleeps well, an overnight flight may be best because hopefully he will sleep for a large portion of the flight. You can try and keep his bedtime routine as much the same on the the plane as you can, though if you give a bath or something obviously that won't happen. If it comes down to it, you can always pop him in the carrier and walk with him in the aisle of the plane.

Once you reach your destination I think things will be easier as you'll be able to get his routine similar to what he's used to and help him settle in. If you're taking a travel bed it may be good to have him sleep in that some before you leave home.

I've done most of my trips with young children. What has worked well for us is to have a bag for each little one. I fill this bag up with non-messy things for them to enjoy on the trip. Books, small toys, those markers that color only on special paper, etc. I keep an eye out for small, age-appropriate toys to collect here and there. I keep these put away - my little ones have never played with them (well, now they get some of the same ones only when we travel). I think this helps keep the toys interesting and exciting.


I also put a few things away in my bag, to bring out if one of the kids is having a really hard time, and a fresh new item may buy some time. I carry a few books with my things, too, to read out loud. Books on CD/MP3 are also good if your child will listen to headphones.

Again, the overnight flight may be helpful as your toddler can sleep. Then you can get more to his normal routine once you've arrived.

If he won't sleep, again, I would have him walk the aisle on the plane regularly. When we take our drives (about 8 hours a day for 2 days), we generally stop every 2 hours to let the kids stretch their legs at an auto rest stop.

I also tend to restrict snacks to stops (so every couple of hours). Though if on a plane, I would nurse the baby on demand.

Re: Libido

First, is there any pain that is causing you to feel hesitant? Using a lubricant and/or doing some perineal massage can help get rid of pain so actual lovemaking is enjoyable again.

Next, if there are some things that don't turn you on anymore, that's OK. It's also fine to experiment and find what does turn you on! I know many moms find that breasts are very different for them after pregnancy (and I do think it's pregnancy - not really nursing - that causes the changes).

See if trying different things helps.

Many women also find that if they approach time with their partner with a focus on pleasuring him they end up getting turned on themselves. So rather than looking at it like an obligation, they just focus on being able to give him pleasure. It's remarkable how focusing on someone else can be very rewarding.

A good women's herbal blend may be helpful, too, because it can help balance hormones and restore libido. Be sure you check and make sure any herbs in the tea/supplement are safe for breastfeeding.

Along the lines of hormones, since your little man is just 5 months, there's a good chance that your cycles haven't started again yet, or normalized. Hormones have a powerful role in libido and if you're not cycling again it's pretty natural that you won't feel as much desire. Your hormones are still focused very much on "mothering."

As I noted above, moms in this situation often find that simply focusing on helping their partner find enjoyment end up greatly enjoying lovemaking themselves. And don't be afraid to experiment and try new positions and different ways to initiate time together. Maybe having your man get both boys to sleep while you relax and have a cup of tea is what does it for you nowadays ;)

Best of luck on your trip and let me know if I can help with anything else!