These are two feelings that mothers feel a whole lot. And there's not much anybody can say to take them away.
I wish that I could say that I've come to a place in my mothering where I'm not effected by feelings of failure but I can't. In fact, right now I'm dealing with a major one. Feeling like I had a moment of weakness, stress, and frustration. And in that moment I made a choice, which I now think was an idiotic choice. And I'm going to have pay the price for years and years. And it hurts. Especially because it's something I feel so strongly over, and it involves my children – the ones I'm supposed to be able to protect.
Handling Life In the Midst
I should be doing another write up on the Pink Kit, because Scott and I worked through another video section the night before last. But I couldn't bring myself to do it yesterday, and I don't want to right now. Everything at the forefront of my mind is getting in the way. Fears, feelings of failure, mounting feelings of frustration.
It's times like this that I find lists helpful. Specific lists of what I need to do to relieve the frustration – usually that is somewhat straightforward. Identify what is frustrating you (a disgusting bathroom, an unfinished project, whining children, etc.), and then identify a solution. Even if it involves several steps, writing them down and beginning to act upon them can ease the frustration.
Overcoming When It's Not Easy
But feelings of failure are much harder to tackle. They often bring frustration too, because you feel like you can't deal with the results of your perceived failure. Notice I said “perceived” – you may not have actually failed as you feel you did. But if you feel it, it can be hard to overcome it. No matter what well-meaning friends say to comfort you.
Often this feeling can paralyze you – which is one thing you shouldn't let it do. And I'm trying not to. Again a list (or a schedule) is helpful, because even as you are feeling bad you can lean on the list or schedule and let it tell you what needs to be done. Even things as simple as eating can get to feel overwhelming so it's good to rely on routine.
Don't let your feelings immobilize you and prevent you from living your life and taking care of yourself (and your family). As you lean on simple to-do lists and daily routines you can begin to work through your feelings. Sometimes talking it through with someone does help. You realize that your feelings were unfounded, or the issue is something you can now overcome.
Other times it just takes time to come to peace and acceptance and pick up and start from where you are – not lament the choices you made in the past. All mothers have feelings of failure and guilt at some point.
As for me, I'm not sure how close I can be to peace about this issue, no matter how much I'm able to lie to other people about being ok with it. It's just something I need to work through and at this point I think it's going to take a lot of time. I'm grateful for routines that can carry me through the day, and simple things like reading books with them that make my children happy – so I can keep everyone taken care of even while I figure out the hurt inside.
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