Finally. This week I will be 24 weeks. I am so very happy. This pregnancy has been one challenge after another – I have never had such a hard pregnancy. I'm relieved to get to this point just because I'll be able to focus now on childbirth preparation. Something to “do” besides sit around and feel guilty for having such a crummy pregnancy and gaining a lot of weight. It's very hard to “walk the positive pregnancy” talk when it feels like you're really, really struggling.
But now I feel a little better. I'll be able to focus on the Pink Kit, on my skills, on my daily visualizations. It's somehow more empowering. It feels like I may be able to defy the winter all around me and actually *do* something proactive.
This month has been better, truthfully, than the three before it. I've done a lot of organizing in the house. I've gotten more on track with Tiger Lily and started to work on things for the websites. Homeschooling the children is going quite well (despite needing extra math practice!) Overall it has been much better… but it's still hard to feel trapped inside because of the snow. Normally snow doesn't bother me. We tromp right on through. But pregnant hips and snow/ice do not mix well. The windows are closed to preserve heat. It's just kind of… well… depressing. I can't wait for spring. But for now, I'm happy that my Pink Kit review is starting and I can start actively preparing for this baby's birth.
I'm also hopeful that the work will make it easier to bond with this little one. I've never had a baby that kicks so little (an anterior placenta is probably partially at fault) and I've never felt so “not pregnant” while feeling so miserably pregnant. It feels like my body has been taken over, but half the time it feels like it's for no reason, that there's not really another person in there, precious and growing. My emotions this time around confuse me.
So the things I've worked on are eating well (though I feel nervous stepping on the scale… the first pregnancy that has ever been an issue). I've focused on how I'll organize and I've looked forward to starting the Pink Kit so much. And somehow, thinking that this isn't the last one, maybe, and I won't have to finish having babies on a crummy note really helps.
But yes, I hope getting going with the Pink Kit and visualizations will help. I also think I'm going to buck winter and wear skirts anyways. If you can see me wearing flannel pajama bottoms under my skirts to stay warm, well that's just too bad. I've had enough of maternity jeans. Something has got to give.
For those of you who are wondering just what to do with the Pink Kit at 24 weeks, Scott and I will pretty much follow the same time line we followed with Galen – We'll work through New Focus: Breath, Language, and Touch this month 🙂
See our Pink Kit experience with our fourth baby, Galen (time line is with this link)